


In Which Characters Talk Like Actual Teens

by eitheryouskateoryoudie



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/F, F/M, High School, Humanstuck, M/M, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, eridan bitch, extra gnome ass, funky music, gnome ass, hes just a funky skeleton man, horny 4 sans ig, if youre reading this i expect your eyes to be glued to the gnome ass, keep your eyes GLUED on that gnome ass, sans is bangable, why yall
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-26
Updated: 2018-08-03
Packaged: 2019-03-24 12:24:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13811133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eitheryouskateoryoudie/pseuds/eitheryouskateoryoudie
Summary: Just a Humanstuck high school fic. Probably not going to have really big plot, but there will be one, trust me fellas.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Dudes Bein Bros

Life was shit. You knew that. 

When you went to school, you had to wake up early. You knew that.

But neither of those facts stopped you from screaming out at the alarm on your phone at 5:45 am for the first day of some year in high school. You have completely forgotten the terms and you don't care to find out. You do know you are turning sixteen in early December, so there's that. 

You begrudgingly, and slowly, get yourself out of bed, trudging to the bathroom, clothes in hand. 

Do you brush your hair? Yes, yes you do.

Do your brush your teeth? No, you don't, because you plan to start this year out by chugging the juice in the kitchen, and toothpaste mouth would surely taint that. 

You make a mental note of your new goal, and you think you can achieve it because you are almost positive your brother hasn't woken up yet, and you may be wary about your father figure being up, or even in the house, but you're fairly sure he isn't. You hope he isn't. 

You get dressed with hopes of chugging that sweet sweet elixir from the kitchen, and it's the only thing keeping you awake. 

You do a quick lookover of yourself, then through your backpack, making sure everything looks good, and you check your phone, tapping the screen twice to turn it on. It's about 6:30. Enough time to chug that juice. 

You quietly sprint to the kitchen, trying not to wake anything that shouldn't wake, and open up the fridge to claim your reward. 

No.

It can't be. 

You are going to kill your brother. 

"Dirk, where the FUCK is the juice?" you scream into nothing. 

Your mischievous, gangly brother is laying on top of the fridge.

"Currently? Somewhere in between my mouth and my stomach. Shoulda gotten up earlier man. Maybe then you would've tasted this sweet sweet victory. Alas, no," he shrugged. 

"Bullshit. I know for a fact sometime between 6:25 and now you sprinted to the kitchen so you could mock me. You couldn't wake up early if your life depended on it." 

"Hey, Roxy and Jane called me so I could wake up on time, like the valid friends they are. Although, I did have to call Jake to wake him up for his bus. Jade was already awake but she thought it would be funny if she didn't yet wake him. But face it little man. My squad is better than your squad." He rolled off the fridge and landed on his feet.

"You sound like Colgate Teeth Whitening Strips tried to appeal to young teens using hip slang." 

"Whatever. We should get to school before he gets home or whatever," he said tentatively, shrugging on his backpack. 

"Point," you agree begrudgingly, and walk out the door behind him, locking it carefully, and making sure your keys went in the right place. 

The two of you walk to your highschool in silence, occasionally seeing who could kick a rock the farthest, laughing and running when one went straight through the window of the house where the middle aged couple with three Trump signs lived. 

You arrive at the front of the school around 7:30 and couldn't believe your luck, since school started at 8:15. 

Both of you look around and see kids being dropped off by their parents, and seniors driving up, and buses parking. 

You kind of wish that you and your brother were among your peers that were being waved goodbye at lovingly by their parents, but you understand that's not how your life is. 

However, almost immediately as you advanced toward the school, you and Dirk were tackled by the Crockerberts.

"Ah, geez John, you could've at least took that backpack of yours off. This is pain in it's purest form. I wish I could accents better so I could say 'I can't believe you've done this' and make it hilarious, but I can't. But you better know I'm thinking it." You mutter out from under your best friend's weight on your chest.

"Oh come on Dave, I'm just happy to see you! Last time we met in the flesh and all was when I spotted you at the beach and waved, haha get it, and then you grabbed a towel and sprinted to make sure I didn't see you. You're my best friend, you know I wouldn't care if you had a waterproof binder or not," he states affectionately. 

"Yeah, yeah, I missed you too, you egg," you smile up at him slightly, and bend up carefully to hug him. 

"That's the spirit Dave!" your friend responds, getting off you and helping you up to hug you properly. You see the same happening with Dirk and Jane. 

Only for the Harleylishes to tackle you both to the ground again when they get off the bus.

At least Jade has the decency to take her backpack off first.


	2. Dave: Remember

After a long, hug and noogie filled reunion, you all head to each of your first period classes. You and John are the school news anchors, so you head down to the front office while the others go their classes. 

You two chat about how exciting your beginning of the year sleepover with all your friends is going to be when you suddenly run into someone passing through the office, knocking you and them over. 

You manage out an apology before looking at them, and holy shit. 

You know that face. 

You haven't seen it since like, middle school or freshman year, but you know it. 

That face didn't go a day without wearing Hot Topic merch.

That face couldn't get on his eyeliner without your help.

That face wrote day in and out like it was the only thing he could do.

That face got kicked out of the mall for punching someone who made fun of Terezi Pyrope and her girlfriend. 

That face was a face you had last seen crying quietly in the boys bathroom, covered in bruises and blood from the school's bullies, looking up at you with the pain of someone who had given up. 

That face was-

"Karkat?" John asked before you. 

The boy of the floor looked up. 

He squinted. "Hey, uh, John, right?" he was almost yelling. 

You remembered he had a problem with volume.

"Yeah! Long time no see man! Pretty cool to see you! I honestly missed you, you're really fun to talk to!" John exclaimed happily.

Karkat looked like he was going to cry. 

"I, uh, thanks John. Really." he managed out. 

"Here, let me help you up man. Those papers are everywhere, my dude," you stated, extending your hand, smiling gently. 

To your surprise, he accepted the help.

"Thanks Dave," he grunted, getting up to face you both. 

"So how have you been Karkat? Meet anyone nice? Make any friends? Where do you even live now? Oh my god! Dave! He should come to our friend group sleepover! I'm sure Jade would love to see him! Maybe we can even invite all of our friends instead of it just being us usual eight! Then we can have it at Jade and Jake's place! Oh man, that'd be so cool!" John said excitedly, everything but literally jumping for joy.

Karkat looked exhausted. "I've been okay I guess, I haven't met anyone nice in the way you're thinking, I did make a friend, well, sort of, I live a block or two from the school, and the sleepover? You guys still do that?" he not only looked tired, but confused. 

"Of course we do! So, do you want to come or not?"

"I mean, I'll have to ask my parents, and Nep is already probably invited, but then Meu and Kankri and gonna wanna come, and then their friends are gonna wanna come, and inviting me means all of them, so I'm just a hassle to invite. So maybe I just shouldn't come, I guess." 

John looked hurt. 

You decided to speak up.

"Karkat, we're making this a full blown party now. My brother and his friends? They're coming. Not just like Jane and Rox and Jake. All of em in the Group™ that are his age. Your brother and Meu and all. All our friends our age? Super Valid™, and they're comin' too. Not just me and John and Rose and Jade. All of us. Nep and you and all. No one's getting left out. Hell, I'd even invite vice principal Slick if it would make you come. This party is going to be to die for and kids like The Felt will be begging to come. But they're not. Because they're assholes. So what do you say Karkat? Coming to this sickass party?" you practically rant to him at this point. Like hell you're letting him feel like that again, and even if it means inviting Kankri, then so be it. 

Karkat looks touched. Like, really. Like he looks like he's about to cry. 

He smiled softly, a rare occurrence.

"Thanks, I guess. I'll ask my dads and mom about it. Mom will be overjoyed that I'm being invited, dad will probably also be over the moon and then give me a talk of sorts, and the other one will probably make a joke. I'm not sure about what, but he'll make a joke, I'm sure of it," he still sounds pretty loud, but it sounds like he's trying not to be that loud. 

"That's great Karkat! I'll give you my number, and then you can give me your dads number, which ever one if more likely to say yes I guess, so your dad and my dad can talk, okay? See you later! Hope we have a class together!" John is unbelievably excited at this point, the party hasn't ever been this big, in fact, it's never been big enough to call it more than a sleepover. He practically hops like the Easter Bunny over to the controls room for the morning announcements, and you're left with Karkat, picking up the papers he dropped. 

"What are these for? What's your schedule, man?" you half heartedly ask of him. 

"I'm working with the librarians half the day, and taking some classes at home to make up for it. Helping them goes on until lunch, then I have sixth period English, seventh period Science, eighth Band, then two extras, mine are Model U.N., and theatre," he half heartedly replies.

"Nice, I have Band, Model U.N. and theatre too. I think I might even have that period English. I don't want to check right now, however, so I guess I'll see you then." You hand him his papers. 

"Thanks. See you then." He walks out the door, presumably to the library. 

You walk into the controls room and plop down next to John. A teacher tells you you have five minutes. You check out the green screen behind you and wonder what it's going to be today. 

You turn to the camera as the cameraman gives you the signal. 

"And we're live! I'm John!"

"And I'm Dave."

"And we're your new anchors for today!" That part came in unison. 

You both ran off the words on the prompter, lunch, happy first day of school, the same usual stuff. 

Then, 

"And we have a new temporary librarian! Please welcome Karkat Vantas!" John read off. 

Karkat, looking embarrassed, stepped onto the camera's view and waved shyly. 

"He works in the library until lunch and we hope you can see him as any other peer, but also as a staff member, Vice Principal Slick would like to emphasize." John continued to read. 

Karkat walked off screen and looked relieved, and you and John continue the announcements with no hitch. 

"I'm John!"

"And I'm Dave."

"And we hope you have a terrific first day of school Thursday!" You say together and wave to the camera. 

You both wave goodbye to the camera men and head to your first classes, or what's left of them. 

Science. 

Great. 

At least you have the class with Jade and Nepeta, so that's a consolation. 

This may be setting up for a long school year, but hey, at least you have your friends.


	3. Dave: Stare at gnome ass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some good gorl content™  
> Happy 4/20 B)

Not soon enough, it was time for theatre.

It was about five in the afternoon when you got there, and it lasted two hours, then Rose, Roxy, and Kanaya would come pick you up, then you all would pick up Dirk from Robotics, then you all would grab Burger King, and by then it would be at the very least eight o clock at night, so you all would have a good old fashioned Strilonde (and Kanaya) sleepover at the Lalonde's. 

This had happened so many times, Rose had a drawer full of your clothes in her room, which she cleaned once a week and she had an extra toothbrush set aside just in case. 

But that was to think about in the future.

This is the present, and you just arrived in the Drama room and plopped yourself down in between Karkat and Nepeta. 

You suddenly remember your 8th grade nicknames you had for them.

"Pssttt. Guys. Do you two remember?" you whisper to the siblings.

"Remempurr what Dave?" Nepeta responds cheerfully. You always admired her ability to stay optimistic and passionate about the things she loved. 

"The nicknames I gave you guys back in middle school that stuck and then everyone started calling you two it and it was the funniest damn thing that that school has ever seen." you reminisce.

"Oh Dave no don't bring those up," Karkat half heartedly replies. 

"Too late. Those have left the station of my brain and choo choo they're coming out of my mouth hole and running off into the world. They will arrive at your ears for resting, and depending how you feel about them, they will either stay there or catch another train at your mouth. Everything depends on you, Karkalicous and Nepurrfect."

Nepeta laughs at the memory of her old nickname.

It combined her love for cat puns and everyone's opinion on her optimism.

Karkat groaned at the thought of his.

His came from his tendency to say 'not to sound straight here but I love Fergie'. 

You and Nepeta actually parodied Fergalicous so that Karkat's nickname matched it.

You remember the last day of middle school when the three of you broke into the principal's office and had Karkat sing it into the intercom for everyone to hear.

That was the last time you saw Karkat. 

Smiling and laughing along with you and his sister. 

Nepeta and Sollux still came to high school. 

Kankri and Meulin and Mituna still came.

During your first year of highschool you wondered if it was because of Karkalicious that Karkat didn't come to high school with you. 

But Karkat didn't care about things like that. 

Karkat was brilliant, so you know he wasn't held back. 

You only saw a few reasons why he could have possibly left, and you settled on bullying for the reason.

But now he was back, so you could ask him yourself.

But you won't.

Maybe he has something he doesn't want to talk about. 

You don't want to pressure him.

So instead, you wait for your drama teacher to show. 

He does eventually to explain this semester's performance. 

"Alright,everyone, we will doing Romeo and Juliet for this semester!"

Everyone groans. 

How hetero. 

"But."

Everyone perks up. But?

"That got your attention. But, I'm going to be letting you guys take control completely. Do a modern spin. Make Romeo dab. Let Mercurtio say no homo. I'm going to be real, all I know about Romeo and Juliet is from brief Google searches and Gnomeo and Juliet. Thus, you all will be watching it as I head to Winn Dixie to get snacks. Any requests?"

Feferi Peixes and Eridan Ampora, known wlw mlm solidarity, requested goldfish crackers and were backed by their older siblings, Meenah Peixes and Cronus Ampora, who were lying on the stage with their friends snickering about inside jokes.

"Gotcha. Start the movie when I leave and when I get back your eyes better be glued on gnome ass." And with that he left the building. 

This wasn't the first time he had done this, and it was honestly refreshing to have a teacher treat you like equals. 

It was completely silent for a minute before Cronus broke it with

"Well you heard the man! Let's see some gnome ass!"

"Kinky." Came from Karkat's older brother. 

"I think it's more slutty if we're being honest." Was heard from Porrim Maryam. 

"You know the beginning of Dont Trust? That's what it's like." chimed in Latula Pyrope. 

"T-tell your boyfriend, if he says he's got beef-" began Mituna Captor at the mention of one of his favourite songs. 

"THAT I'M A VEGETARIAN AND I AIN'T FUCKING SCARED OF HIM!" screamed Terezi Pyrope kicking open the drama club door, followed by Vriska who was laughing her ass off as everyone turned their heads to the two of them. 

"Terezi!" Karkat exclaimed. 

"HEY KARKAT!!" Terezi screamed excitedly jumping on top of him, tackling him with one of her imfamous hugs. 

"Tez, let the man breath, he just got here!" Vriska laughingly said, putting her hand on her happy girlfriend's shoulder as a sign to let him go. 

"Sorry! I just missed him a lot!" 

Karkat sat up, looking ruffled. 

"I missed you too Terezi. How's chess been?" 

She helped him up and they walked away talking about life and clubs and whatever else people like Terezi and Karkat talk about. 

"Wow Dave I can't believe the librarian stole my girlfriend."

"It was gonna happen soon Vriska. You just didn't know when. It's just now evidently."

"So sad! Reblog if you cry everytime." came from Aradia as she walked past you both to get to her seat.   
You and Vriska talk for another minute or so before you hear a scream sounding awfully familiar. 

You look at Vriska and she looks away. 

Presumably, she knows what that scream means. 

You half jog over to Karkat to see whatever the matter is, and somehow, Gamzee is already there comforting him. 

"What is it Karkat?" You ask of him. That really was a loud scream. 

"T-t..rezi....tat..too...." he barely lets out, slightly shaking. 

It takes you a second before you realize. 

"Vriska!" You demand of her. 

"Dave he obviously said Terezi why don't you ask her, hmm?" she replies smugly. 

"Fine, Terezi. What the fuck TZ." 

"I can't see and even I don't even think it's that ugly." she replies off handedly. 

You turn back to Vriska. 

"Me and Rez may or may not have gotten tattoos over the summer......" she does everything in her power not to make eye contact. 

You take a deep breath. 

You sigh out. 

"Vriska?" You ask calmly.

"Yes Dave?" Shes startled at your calm attitude.

"Why, darling Vriska, dear friend of mine, the wuh luh wuh to my mlem, WOULD YOU GET A TATTOO WITHOUT TELLING ANYONE?" You may be a little mad. 

"It's rad and spontaneous! We're not gonna be this young and excited at summer forever. Might as well get a tattoo while holding my girlfriend's hand in ninety degree weather while I can. Besides," she pulled up her flannel sleeve. "It's a tattoo of Spider Man!" 

You shake your head and laugh.

"I guess you're right. Spider Man is definitely tattooable. Just tell me next time, huh? That'd be fun as hell."

She claps her hand on your shoulder, and even though it hurts a bit because it's her prosthetic hand and that thing hurts like hell, she smiles and that makes you smile.

"Okay knucklehead." She laughs out and tossles your hair, before running and picking up Terezi and piggybacking her away.

You laugh and run after them jokingly for a bit.

"Oh come here bastards! TZ let me see it!"

She sticks her tongue out at you and laughs.

What were you expecting? 

Soon enough you're all staring at gnome ass until your teacher returns with Crush soda and gold fish for everyone to share over inside jokes and new tattoos and summer stories.


	4. Dave: Freak

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little trigger warning for minor death and a very small panic attack, so read with caution! Sorry!

After theatre practice ended, Rose, Roxy, and Kanaya picked you up and then you all picked up Dirk from Robotics class then you all collectively picked up dinner and headed to the Lalonde's house in Rose's stolen church van that was painted black then painted with purple indie designs on the sides, complete with an octopus head on the hood. 

You collapsed on best friend's bottom half of a bunk bed and dug underneath the giant comforters, comfort at last. 

Rose's voice came out from above your comfort hut, almost condescending, “You know you cannot sleep in that, right?”

“Your bed or what my dude?” Your voice came out from under the sheets, muffled.

“You know what I mean Dave. All of it. I’ll help you reapply in the morning and you can of course put your other stuff back on then, but you can’t sleep in it and you know it.” You couldn’t se her but you knew she was crossing her arms in finality.

You sighed. No argument. 

You begrudgingly got out of bed and stepped into Rose's shining bathroom and exhaustingly took off your shirt, then your binder, got a loose shirt on, took off your probably too tight jeans and let your dick fall as you got on comfy shorts and set your shades on the counter and began to scrub the foundation and shit off your face. 

You and Rose had similar routines at night, and you both wish you were born in each other’s bodies cause that would rock and roll but alas god or whatever is a bitch. 

Oh well. 

That’s how it be sometimes you guess.

After your teeth are scrubbed clean at your friend's demand, you collapse on the top part of Rose's bunk bed. It used to be Rose and Roxy's, but Roxy wanted a different room where she had her own bed and a futon. Dirk would sleep on the futon when the two of you slept over, and when Kanaya would come, rarely as it was, she would find herself in the guest room in her own bed (even though Rose would get out of her room in the night to sleep next to her). 

You love these nights. The nights where someone is looking out for you. The nights where you and your brother aren’t petrified of your Bro. The nights when you get dinner and know you will get breakfast in the morning. The nights where you can put your headphones on and listen to music to calm yourself to sleep without the fear of them being ripped off in the night and yelled at. 

You know Rose and Roxy like these nights too. Where they aren’t alone with their mother and can play video games and sleep in and sleep close to another human being that they can run to in case of the locked cabinet's temptation or nightmares of it. 

You almost laugh to yourself thinking how funny is it how lucky you and Dirk are to have friends like these, the ones that care and want to help you and can. You slowly drift off to sleep, smiling. 

But that sleep only lasts so long when you wake up screaming. 

It wasn’t a nightmare, but you felt the same feeling you got when it was. 

You could’ve mistook your current state as still in a nightmare if you didn’t hear Dirk screaming in the same tone from the room over. 

He stops screaming around the same time as you do, and with tears in your eyes from the pain that was evidently causing the scream, you check your phone.  
It told you in red lettered military time on your lockscreen of the murder of crows you saw above the Wal-Mart parking lot while getting back to school things that it was four in the morning. Too early for this bullshit. 

The both of you woke Rose and Roxy and you could hear the latter comforting your brother just as Rose climbed up to the top bunk. She looked almost pale in fear. You don’t blame her, you were loud. 

“Dave? Is there something wrong? Are you hurt? Period? Ribcage? What is it?” She sounded so concerned.

“I…don’t know. My skin kind of hurts, all of it. But it’s fading now and I’m exhausted. I’m going back to sleep now. Maybe we’ll see in the morning. I’m sorry for scaring you. Goodnight, Rose.”  
She sighed. Of relief or giving up, you don’t know.  
“Goodnight, Dave.”  
\---------------------------------------  
And with a blink of an eye, it's morning and you’re dressed and eating Lucky Charms on the Lalonde’s couch next to the others, watching TV. 

“Hey Davey can you turn the channel?” Roxy asks with a mouth of offbrand Oreo cookie cereal. “I need to lotto numbers.”

“Sure thing Rox!” You switch to the news channel where they usually report the numbers after the local shit, which usually isn’t a problem.

But the second you hear the news report your day goes from calm and good to stunning. 

“Big time porn star and local musician Derek 'Bro' Strider found dead of an overdose in Purpled Days Night Club. No word yet on what it was on if whether or not his two sons' mother, retired actress Rachel Lalonde will be watching the boys after their father’s untimely death. More news on this story when more information is releas-” Rose shuts off the TV. 

You all sit there in shock. 

Bro is dead. 

Rose and Roxy are your sisters.

Bro is dead. 

Your brain can’t comprehend what emotions are in your body right now, so you just burst into tears. 

Very surprisingly, Dirk does the same. 

You weakly apologize to Rose, who you’re crying on, for your outburst. She just pats your back and shushes you into a solid state of numbness. 

You all sit there in silence while you and Dirk calm down and everyone sits over what you all just heard. He’s dead. Bro is dead. You are all related. You can’t believe it. 

Of course, you don’t have a lot of time to think before there is a loud rap on the front door that stops your silence. Roxy gets up to answer while you stare at the floor. 

“Hello? Who are you here for?” you hear her ask.  
“Are the Striders here? We’ve heard from some sources that they might be here since they are not in there home.”

‘We?’ you think. 

You turn to the door and realize that there is a camera crew from the news at the front door. You are baffled for a second before everything catches up to you. The camera man spots you and asks you if you and Dirk may have a word with them. You turn to Dirk, he nods, so you guess you’re being interviewed now.  
The crew comes in and one sits on the couch in a pressed suit next to you and Dirk and asks questions and you both answer, but you’re not really there. You’re on auto pilot at this point, and your only concern is getting to school. It is the second day after all and even though you don’t have someone to disappoint anymore, you want to see your friends. You say to the man in the suit that you need to be heading to school and that’s when you realize that he looks slightly familiar. 

You further on on this when he asks you what school you go to. He exclaims that his sons go there. You’re slowly coming back into reality.

“And what is your name, sir?”

“Why, it is Ampora, young man! My sons are Eridan and Cronus! Are you familiar with them?"

You almost burst out laughing, because even though the camera is gone, you don’t want to embarrass this poor man.

“Uhhh yeah me and Eridan went through our hipster phase together, we’re in the same year. Good times.” 

Dirk pipes up with, “Cronus is in my year and he helped fix my motorcycle the other day.” You notice he left the part out where he wrote his number on the reflector with washable Crayola marker. 

“That’s nice to hear! Anyway boys, I’m terribly sorry about your father, and I’ll let you go to school now. Goodbye, and my best wishes.”

You and Dirk thank him and ride in Rose's van in silence, before you get a third of the way to school and realize that you all left Kanaya in the dark on accident and she has no clue what’s happening. You fill her in a bit, but then she realizes it’s the first news report on her phone, and reads about it herself. 

You arrive at school and you and Dirk are immediately ambushed by people you have never spoken to before, all wishing you best wishes and how they empathize with you and your situation. 

You somehow make it to lunch in one piece, despite people practically throwing themselves to you with false support and compliments. Your friends patted your back and slipped you a library brownie now and then and that felt a lot better than the clarinet girl who kept trying to comfort you and write her number on your backpack. 

You plop down in between John and Karkat during lunch and start digging into your sloppy joe while making small talk about the incident that *apparently* happened at guess what ungodly hour last night? Four am! Goddamn can’t you catch a break. 

John invites you to his house for video games and you politely decline and assure him you’re still on for the sleepover this weekend.

And once again, you find yourself in theatre class.  
A solace in this hell day has finally arrived and it was in the form of 20 sweaty gay teens who smelt of licorice rope and instrument grease on a stage made of polished if not cracked wood and upturnt rusty nails the color of the sunset that had begun outside by the end of it. 

“I’m just saying guys, we get to make up the rules, we need Sans Undertale in our Romeo and Juliet!” You argue with Feferi Peixes about. She was determined to not let Sans be apart of your performance with a sense of determination that obviously came from somewhere that you don’t know of. Did that funky little skeleton man kill her family or something?

“Dave’s right. Besides, Sans is hot and definitely has it going on!” Came from Feferi’s best friend Eridan. Ah. That’s why. She doesn’t need her bestie horny on main in front of the town. Understandable. 

“You know what I’m starting to see Fef's point,” chimed in Nepeta, who obviously was not for Eridan getting a boner in front of the school when someone in a Sans suit came out on stage. 

“Alright then, no Sans it is, good to know,” you reply, briefly glancing at Eridan to see his heartbroken look. That how it be, however. 

It somehow had been decided that you would be Romeo, maybe because during 6th and 7th grade you forced everyone to call you Bromeo. Maybe not. You’re not sure, because you, Daveo Usurper Strider, are a dumbass. 

You need a bitch ass Juliet though. Dudeliet, if you will. Maybe you all should rename this as Bromeo and Dudeliet. That’d be funky town for sure. 

“Hey y’all proposal here;can we be Bromeo and Dudeliet instead? Please let me make dumb chad puns and jokes the whole time to Dudeliet.” You plead to your friends.

“Oh FUCK yeah!” Terezi agrees with enthusiasm. 

Everyone mutters and nods in agreement. Who’s gonna argue both you AND Terezi? No one. 

“Aight, sounds gucci, who’s my Dudeliet?” 

All eyes turn to Karkat, you know, the one person that actually not only read Romeo and Juliet, but had a phase of fawning over Leo DiCaprio in Romeo + Juliet. You’re pretty sure he still isn’t over it though, and goddamn if he isn’t a valid mood. You guess he can be your Dudeliet, after all, you guys are still good friends despite his absence. John won’t mind him being your temporary best bro. John knows he’s still number one in your heart. He was an action figures kid and you were a Legos kid. Karkat, for one, was a wooden blocks kid. Plastic toys and plastic bricks kids are allied forces against the wooden toys kids, like Karkat and his wooden blocks and Jake with every tree he has ever met, ever. You actually have done hard thinking about this subject. In the end, it all comes down to wood v plastic. Plastic kids are more chill with their emotions, flexible to change, and sometimes even slightly cold to new people, until they warm up to them. On the other side of the spectrum, wood kids like to have their emotions out there and their opinions known, like a sense of security in life, and easily attached to new people and topics, such as movies or shows. It was always fascinating to you, and of course there were always exceptions, but this ideology was pretty firm with those you knew. So yeah, John would always be your best friend buddy but right now? Karkat was definitely your Dudeliet. 

“Alright, Karkat, wanna be my Dudeliet?” You ask him nonchalantly while writing his name down on the cast paper. 

You expect him to be smooth and go with the flow of it, but he stammers a bit with his answer.

“Uhh I mean uh yeah sure my bro,” he responds, sounding a little nervous. He’s probably just nervous about going on stage, a reasonable fear, even if you don’t get it. 

You find your friend group a little funny. Karkat has all this family, and you’ve only really had 3 members your whole life, and they’re just siblings. And two of them you didn’t even know that they were biologically family. They were always just Rose and Roxy, your sisters. Rose was kinda like your twin, she always was, even if she resembled Dirk a good bit more, and Dirk and Roxy were like it too, even if you and Roxy were more similar. That’s how it had always been, you guess. You and Dirk and Rose and Roxy. Then there was John and Jane and they were almost like family, but not quite. John was your best bro and Rose and John liked to pull pranks together. When you weren’t there, Rose and John were the main emelem wehluhweh solidarity. Roxy had a big crush on Jane ever since they were in 6th grade and you know she’s planning to ask her to go to the October dance with her and Callie. John and Jane were ingrained into your lives, and they were cousins with Jake and Jade, who were definitely great friends of yours. Jake, however, was a cowboy kid when Dirk was a space kid, so the two didn’t really get along well when they were younger, but they eventually grew closer after a little near death experience in middle school. That kinda stuff brings people together you know. Anyway, back to gay culture. 

“Fabo Karks. Alright you gotta brooch me at one point though, you chill with that?”

“Brooch you??”

“Brooch! Bro smooch.” 

“I guess. But you gotta wear the cherry chocolate lip balm shit.”

“Only if you wear the apple one bro.” 

You’re glad that you and Karkat are close enough for platonic shit like that. You’re pretty sure he’s dating Gamzee still, but you know Gamzee doesn’t give a shit. Real bro hours up in theatre class huh. 

You think briefly about how much has happened since yesterday’s rehearsal and today’s. Now you have a dead father, and mother you didn’t know about, two sisters, and a pack of classmates ready to drop anything to make sure you’re feeling okay to their standards. You’re not sure if you really feel pain about this situation, but sometimes you have to sit there and realize it. And realize that he is never coming back. No chance at redemption. No fixed bonds. No explanation on why he is how he is. Nothing from him. It's relieving that he’s gone, but upsetting about how the potential for him to be a good parent would never be realized. No apologies. No years to make up for how bad he was. Nothing. Nothing ever again. It’s a conflict of emotions, and you don’t know how to handle it in the least bit. How do you deal with this, really? Yay, the man who hurt you and your brother for your entire lives is gone and he’s never coming back and he won’t ever hurt you again and boy is him being gone such an upgrade from the pain he made you go through! But. But he will never get to realize what he did. He will never apologize. He will never try to make amends or tie bonds or help you all get therapy or anything. He will never do anything ever again and the conflict in that single sentence is enough to drive you mad. He sometimes would come home with enough something to make a hint of a human being shine through. He would occasionally come home and you could tell he was intoxicated because he would tell you to go to bed because it was a school night. He would act like a parent. He’d tell you to take a shower, or to go to bed, or to eat dinner, or he would even bring something for you, whether a cd or a sword, for your birthday or a random day, those times were rare and they were never long, and you wished you appreciated them more. You wish that the person that came out when he was highed up on alcohol or drugs was the real person Bro was and that the person that hurt you was just a shell that was keeping him from being there, but you knew that that couldn’t be. Something in your brain wants to miss him. Something wants to hate him. Something wants to be sad. Something wants to be ecstatic. But all of you is too tired for this. Not to sound like a late 90s teen drama, but this a emotional rollercoaster, and you want off and you want to stop now. 

So naturally? You break down crying. 

You hear your friend’s voices comforting you, but you can’t distinct one from another. 

The voices are deep, they’re light, they’re scared, they’re worried, and they’re everywhere and you don’t like it. 

You hear someone scream suddenly and it frightens everyone but you can’t see because your dumb glasses are still one and the tears are pooling in them and falling and filling your eyes and it’s overwhelming and you can’t see anything or anyone but you hear and feel everything and it takes you a few seconds to realize that your mouth is open and your throat hurts and you can feel the eyes on you and you can feel your mouth close and your mouth dry up and you can feel soft hands removing your glasses very, very carefully and you can feel tender fingers wipe your eyes with a baby wipe and you can see your glasses on the floor and now you’re lying in someone’s lap and everyone else is gone and the clock reads the appropriate time for their leaving so it’s you and your comforter and the baby wipes and a small apple with the sticker still on. Your ears suddenly have unfamiliar headphones with familiar music playing through them on them. You’re calming more and more by the second with the music in your ears and the hand on your back and drying of your eyes and the little apple within arm reach. 

Goddamn. You want that apple. So you grab it and it’s so small and you’re not sure if you can handle this tiny apple and it’s little sticker that you can’t take off and now it’s frustrating you and now you’re mad and now you’re gonna break down again because you’re a mess when your helper's hand grabs the apple and peels off the sticker for you and you’re finally the calmest you think you’ve ever been for the absolute longest time. 

You’re shaken awake, and you didn’t know you fell asleep and the person who was helping you helps you on your feet and puts your glasses on your face and that dumb little sticker on your forehead and you finally look at their face, and it’s the face of someone who is now at a tie for bestest bud, Karkat, his sweater and jeans wet with your tears and his back pack slung over his shoulders where you assume the stuff came from and he bends over to put the wipes back in his bag and he does and he smiles at you and you begin to really look at him. You see he’s gotten taller, he’s less thin and his hair doesn’t look as greasy as it used to be and his eyes look softer and his cheeks look fuller and you’re suddenly happy that he left school because he’s so much better now and he’s really grown as a person and you can now see it in everything he does. 

Out of impulse, you rush towards him and give him a hug for helping you and thank him in a muffled voice and your face rubs into his sweater, which is so comfortable, and he hesitates before hugging you back, but he does and it’s like you’ve been engulfed in a blanket of homely feelings and warmness. It’s been so long and yet he’s already clicked back into your life just like that. You finally let go of him and burst out laughing. 

“What? What’s wrong?” he asks of you, obviously confused. 

You point to his sweater.

“DID ALL YOUR MAKE UP RUB OFF ONTO IT?? SEAL IT NEXT TIME YOU DUMMY!” he playfully responses, a good bit louder than before. 

You laugh out that you do seal your make up, thank you very much, but you forgot to seal it today and now your foundation and concealer and chapstick were all over his sweater. 

“Oh fuck! Dad’s gonna kill me if he sees my sweater messed up! Hold on.” He freaks, and begin to take off his sweater, revealing no shirt underneath.

You don’t know why you expected him to have a tee or a tank underneath his baggy sweater, but you did, and he doesn’t, and now you’re blushing at his bare back as he gets a hoodie from his backpack and slips it on before you could look at the light pink marks on his front and back. Oh well. 

He hands you his big sweater and laughs. 

“You’re taking this home and cleaning this, you dumb bitch. Consider it as apology for messing it up you chucklefuck. And seal your make up! See you at the party tomorrow!” He waves goodbye, leaving you alone in the theatre room. 

It just hit you. It’s Friday. The party is. Tomorrow. And you’re gonna have to explain why Karkat's freshly washed sweater is in your duffle bag. 

You’re not sure if you’d rather pretend you banged him or the like or tell everyone the truth. Hm. Both bad. You guess you’ll figure that out when you get there, huh? 

Rose picks you up and you all get home with ease. 

You wonder how big Karkat's sweater would be on you, so you quietly slip it on and are immediately drowned in the feel of tightly knit wool and the smell of apple and chocolate. You sit around in it for a minute, and feel slightly upset when you have to put it in the washing machine. It’s so comfy, you’ll have to ask Kanaya or her sister to make you one. You stick a sticky note on the mirror to remind you to seal your makeup, then you complete the rest of your daily routine, and get to bed, falling asleep to thoughts of the party tomorrow.


	5. Dave: Sing and Dance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Big time sorry to anyone actually reading this, I'm really bad at updates! Anyway, alcohol warning for this chapter !

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If ur reading this I wuv u  
> If you see any mistakes please tell me and thank you for reading! I had a lot of fun with this chapter, but I've been busy moving so sorry for the late update!  
> Edit: ya ik the ending is super cheesy but i wanted to. write something funkey that made me vibe good so u know

You don’t recall any dreams from sleeping that night, but you remember feeling cold and then suddenly comfortably warm and content, and that’s always good, and you wake to discover that Rose had draped the fresh clean sweater on you while you had passed out without a blanket on.

You groan when you wake up, but then cut yourself off when you realize that it’s finally sleepover weekend. You hang off the side of the bunk to see if Rose is still asleep but she’s not there, so you practically jump off your bed to the ground to look for her, wrapping your hand around the cold knob of the bedroom door into the long marble hallway with several other doors. 

You check the guest room, but she’s not there, however. 

You check the kitchen. Nope. 

The office? Nah. 

The ball room? Surprisingly, no. 

The library? No funky little lesbian to be seen. 

You check several other rooms, including Roxy's, but not even Roxy and Dirk are in there. Where could they possibly be?  
You look out the window at the end of the hall, and Rose's minivan along with Roxy's convertible are both still in the driveway, so they haven’t left the house. 

You suppose Dirk could’ve went to the store that was only a few blocks away, but Rose and Roxy don’t like doing that, so that doesn’t explain where they are. 

You stop for a second and hear faint music coming from a floor up.

You sigh. Why did the Lalondes have to have this mansion like house where you can’t find shit. 

You climb the stairs and the music gradually becomes louder with each step. 

It’s coming from the end of the third story hallway. 

The ballroom, not to be mistaken with the ball room. 

You peak in the door to see your three siblings there, dancing.  
You trip over your own feet and fall face first on your face and they turn to you, obviously surprised. 

“Oh hey Dave! We were gonna invite you to come practice with us, but you seemed tired, so Rosie just threw that sweater of your friend on you!” Roxy bubbles, walking to help you up. 

You take her hand and see the boombox Dirk got for his 15th birthday on top of the jukebox that Mom Lalonde had bought for the room when Rose was 14 and first getting into John Mulaney. It was unplugged, presumably because 9 am was a little too early for Tom Jones. 

Dirk's boombox, however, is blaring party bangers and you piece together that they were practicing dancing for the sleepover weekend. Rose was dating Kanaya and you knew she was always going to try to impress her, Roxy was going to hit the floor with Calliope like always and they would try to impress and win over Jane, and you knew that, and you had known Dirk long enough for your unspoken knowledge that he had kinda liked Jake since their little near death experience shared back in middle school.

Funky. 

You see why they didn’t invite you, you didn’t really have anyone or currently want anyone to dance with. 

You weren’t really upset about that, that’s just how it be sometimes. 

But at least you know you’ll always have Terezi and John to dance to Africa with. Bros dance with bros, that’s in the code. Tez would be split between dancing with you and John and Vriska and Karkat, but maybe you all could dance together like you did at dances when you were younger. You think fondly of middle school dances where you would dip Karkat and John and the same time and twisting them off to dance together, then copying it with Terezi and Vriska, before you all would dance together and hold each other’s hands and spin around, buzzing with cheap energy drink and coffee ice cream and sour patch kids. 

Fun times. 

“Did you sleep well, Dave?” Dirk asks of you, probably because everything that was happening. 

“Actually I slept great, surprisingly, and I think I’m going to go stuff my face with Lucky Charms. Ciao y’all. Remember we have to leave for the party at noon thirty,” you answer him, glad that you don’t have to lie. 

You get out of your pajama pants and loose tank top and get into baggy grey sweats and a sleeveless shirt that reads ‘The Gay Agenda’ on it with a calendar of rainbow colored days on it and slip on some red Converse hightops that you got at the end of last school year. You smile a bit wider when you see that their names that your friends had written in sharpie on the tip hadn’t wiped off yet. 

You make your way downstairs and get some cereal and watch the news with no hitch before switching off to Nickelodeon when it ends. Your siblings, wow it’s weird thinking of them as that, slowly come down stairs and grab toast and eggs leftover from Thursday along with drinks. Rose hands you a bottle of apple juice before downing her own Publix brand blackberry tea next to Roxy and her pink lemonade. A content morning at last. 

You all finish breakfast rather quickly, throw your stuff into the cars, and you claim Rose's shotgun seat, while Dirk drives Roxy's convertible with her in shotgun. 

Rose's passive aggressive lesbian minivan drives next to Roxy's hot pink lady magnet with the windows down in both so that the music that you’re all listening to from the same station synchronizes loudly driving on the road to the Crockerberts.

You pull into the driveway and you realize that you’re kind of late, sadly. You can easily tell by Cronus's dad’s old white flower delivery van that had been given to him and repainted to be a black van with lightning bolts on the side, which he uses to drive around 8 or more people at a time, and can hold about like, 11 other people, especially since the only windows are on driver, shotgun, and windshield, so no one else really sees everyone sitting on each others laps screaming along to Avril Lavigne. If it was its original white color, you know that it would definitely be a lot creepier but the marks really make it look friendly, you can’t lie about that. 

You shave and a haircut that door and it’s opened by a smiling John with a shirt from when Mr. Egbert took you and John to Disney World for John’s birthday a year ago. Contrary to what the shirt said, you are not very sure John did survive Mount Everest, but you let it go. 

“C’mon Dave! I can’t believe Jane’s friends got here before you! Looks like we’re the ones in the backseat when we go shopping, dammit!” He exclaims, cheery to false grumpy. 

You walk into the house and already see the seniors practically bouncing off the walls. You plop down on the couch next to Kankri and watch a solid half hour of Star Wars before you ask him where Karkat is and if he and Cronus could get a fucking room. 

Apparently, despite the amount of rooms in this house, Kankri responds with ‘in the pool' and then a middle finger.  
A true shame, horny on main. 

You grab your swim binder and your bright red swim trunks, change into them, then head out to the pool in the backyard.  
The pool was currently occupied by Rufioh Nitram, the Zahhaks, Feferi Peixes, Nepeta, Karkat, and now you, as you charged the pool head on screaming proclamations of a cannonball and jumping into it. You sat underwater and looked at the endless amount of legs of your friends surrounding you before popping up and shaking your hair like a dog coming inside from the rain.

You probably smelled like it too, to be honest. When did you last take a shower? 

Whatever though, right now you’re focused on pool games and giving Karkat his sweater back. 

He’s turned around from you and talking to Kanaya, who’s in a one piece that almost identically matches Rose's, and they seem to be talking about cooking. You never saw Karkat as one, but people change interests, so you get it. 

You decide to surprise him by leaping on his back. Kanaya sees you coming up behind him and you make a shushing motion with your finger and lips and she gives a recognizing smile. 

Three…two…one…

“SHARK ATTACK AHAHAHA GOT YOU YOU CRAB!” you proclaim as you jump on him, causing you to stick to his back and fall down with him. 

You’re still clinging to his back when he comes up and he looks around a second to see where you went before realizing you were hitched like a parasite. 

Karkat put his head in his hands.

“Hey Karkat!” You proclaimed.

“Hello Dave,” he responded, muffled by his own hands.

Kanaya chuckled at you struggling to hold on to Karkat's wet back and went over to talk to Rose in her purple eye designed on piece not unlike her own, which had a mint green and leaf design.

As soon as she left you and Karkat, you did yourselves both a favor and let go of his back and fell into the water, nearly hitting your head but twisting so your feet hit the ground and you push yourself upwards and burst out of the water like some poor whale on display, Karkat jokingly clapping for your display.  
You fake bow as well, because you are and have always been That Bitch. 

“I’m guessing you did that to get my attention so you can inform me that my sweater is nice and clean?” he asked of you.  
“I actually considered strutting in here wearing it you know. Just for the thrill of it all. At least Kankri's hands would be around my neck instead of some wild places on Cronus while we’re turned away,” you reply. 

“That’s a mood man. Cronus came over for dinner once and me and Nep and Meu staged a strike against him in the kitchen. At least he bothered to look nice. But did he have to wear a suit? No joke, he knocked on our door with a bouquet of tansies and daisies and wearing a suit with purple trim like he was gonna take Kan to prom or a wedding rather than coming over to meet Dad and Dee and our sisters,” he complained. 

“I know enough about flower language to know that his intentions were not the cleanest you know,” you provided. 

“It’s an Ampora. They’re like This™ by nature. Remember in 7th grade at Rose's birthday party when we thought kiss only spin the bottle would be a fun idea and Eridan landed on me and he insisted in dipping me before kissing me with that black lipstick of his on and apparently I was allergic to the brand and my lips were swollen and when I yelled to him about it the next day and he just wiped off his lipstick and told me he could kiss it better?” Karkat reminisced. 

You laughed at the memory of scene kid Kark with his swollen lips on Monday morning stomping angrily to Eridan to yell at him and he just flirting as an escape technique. It was a smart ass move that got Karkat in detention for punching his face after that, but a good move nonetheless. 

“Not everyone is here yet though, you still have time to be thotty and strut in the house with the sweater on like a hoe, don’t worry Dave,” he comforts you with. 

“As fun as that sounds, I’ll save it for a later plan, but thanks,” you reply. 

You all play Marco Polo for a few hours while everyone starts showing in groups. 

By 5 pm in the afternoon, everyone is here, and you are fucking burnt to a crisp. 

You step out of the pool and go to the bathroom by John’s room and look into the wide and large mirror. 

You are more red than your binder, you really should’ve put on sunscreen. 

You decide to collapse on the couch in the living room and you hiss when your reddened flesh hits the leather. 

You close your eyes and hear the screen door that separate the cool inside from the pool party in the backyard happening outside with that harsh sun open up and close with a snap. 

“Dave you are crisp. You know how they describe Jesus in Silent Night as tender and mild? Well, you remind me of Jesus in a way right now. You look like I’d buy you in a box of twenty at Publix for five ninety nine on clearance. Seriously, why don’t you ever wear sunscreen?”

You can’t believe you’re being cyberbullied in real life by a man with crab design boxers. 

“Shut up and die Vantas,” you murmur out.

“Vantas? What are we, thirteen again? Am I gonna scream about Skrillex? Is it time to watch Camp Rock Two? Hello Dave?” 

“Sure Karks it's middle school Halloween party time go get your Hetalia cosplay out of the downstairs closet,” you recall a simpler time.

Karkat does not seem to think of the Halloween of 2015 as fondly as you.

“Oh perish nut head, we were in matching Hetalia costumes so die,” he huffs. 

“It was your fault for making me join MUN yo. I never would been so emotionally invested into the histories of Poland and Lithuania, respectively, if you hadn't made me join and watch Hetalia with you in the computer lab during Saturday School while we used your old Pikachu ear buds,” you retaliate. 

He's quiet so he knows you're right. 

“Anyway, head back outside while I die on John's shitty leather couch. I’ll apply SPF as high as it goes and throw on Rose's old straw beach hat that she made me wear to camp last summer when I got boils on my skin from sunburn and I'll head out later under the umbrella table and chug a strawberry lemonade. For two bucks I'll take a shot of vodka while maintaining eye contact with Kankri while wearing your sweater yo,” you spill your plans for this afternoon. 

“Tempting, but alcohol is nothin for your bad vibes compared to fresh happy glow time with your dear friends. Go slather yourself in screen then get dressed, we're going to pile into the van soon to head to the store,” he offers. 

“Oh shit yeah alright but please. I’m begging you to let me make Kankri wring my neck. Let me wear that sweater to the store and like. Piggyback you or something. It's going to be so fun to explain to the store manager why he's found me dead in the foreign foods aisle clutching a container of Jammy Dodgers,” you ask, with the begging tone of a dog. 

“Fine, fine, just be at the door to go in five,” he complies with a huff and slips off to the downstairs bathroom with his bag.  
You punch the air in victory even if you’re not sure why, and grab your bag and his sweater and bolt to the upstairs bathroom to change. 

You stay true to your word and are by the front door as quick as you could be, sweater that's two sizes too large and all. You race out the front door and into the horrendously painted van where Kankri has already claimed shotgun Karkat has claimed the second best seat in the car, and Nepeta has claimed the good stereo seat in the very back. 

You curse under your breath.

Damn the Vantas-Leijons and their very good seat skills.

You snag the seat in the middle row closest to Karkat and make eye contact in the rearview mirror with Kankri. 

He literally bites his thumb at you while Karkat is busy rereading Romeo and Juliet on his Samsung, assumingly in preparation for the play. You knew he was super jazzed for it, and even though you were all putting your own whatever you wanted spin on the classic, you still all had to be at auditions early on Wednesday, and by that Saturday the cast list would be up on the page. 

You thought about trying out for Romeo, mainly because you loved the things you could rhyme with it. 

You wondered what your friends were going to try out for.  
You started turning to Karkat to ask him what he was going to shoot for, but in that moment Cronus finally plopped into the front seat with his keys and turned on the car and radio, so you lost your chance. 

You once again find yourself wondering where in god’s name Karkat had been for the past two years. He really did change from when you last saw him. 

How funkey how people do that. 

Your mind focuses to the radio instead, where the local alternative station is filling your ears with Sweater Weather and you once again smugly smile at Kankri in the mirror. 

You see him flip his page with his middle finger. 

After 10 minutes of bopping to the year of 2007 condensed, Cronus pulled up to the Target and parked in the closest spot he could to the entrance, pocketed his keys, hopped out the car, held the door open for Kankri like the extra bitch he was, and lead him, you, Karkat, Nepeta, Latula, Jade, and Aradia through the crowded parking lot. 

You whispered to the girls and ran ahead while they followed you and you shouted, loud enough for all of the lot to hear you,  
“LET'S GO LESBIANS LET'S GO!”

You race in to the Bullseye aisle, desperate to beat the other three with the girls to the cheapest section there, and you when you made it, you grabbed a rubber pink bouncy ball and bounced it as hard as you could and watched it make a smacking elbows noise and propel to the bathing suits.  
It was customary, who ever made it to bullseye first got to bounce the ball and the ball would decide where you all would hang out first. 

You bolted there with the girls in tow repeating the chant, stopping at a mannequin that not only lacked a head, but also feet.

You guessed Cronus noticed that too, because you heard his Jersey drawl, “what a shame, huh,” followed by a loud smack, and you didn’t have to turn around to know that Kankri had smacked him upside the head. 

The rest of your shopping trip was filled with generally the same shenanigans, a side from a text message from Rose that was intended most definitely not for you, and Kankri yelling at Cronus for being ‘chincel coded' in the dairy aisle. 

Sadly, you were not murdered by somebody’s older brother, but there were more glares spared for you rather than Cronus, which was a shocker for all present.

You roll the shopping cart filled with sweets and Jade back to the van and fill the trunk with the shittiest junk food known to man before clamoring back into the car, where the dashboard proudly read 7:08 PM. 

Y'all were in there for an ungodly time as it seems, and despite the fact that it was technically still summer, the sun was beginning to creep down into the horizon, and featured a lovely orange decorating the skies.

The sky having to be cursed by you and your group's simple presence under it made you feel like Despacito at a funeral, but you digress. 

Cronus takes a detour on the way back to the house, despite the road full of traffic, presumably to listen to the tea on the radio, so you don't arrive back until roughly eight o’clock, the sun measurably lower, and the sunset having been wasted on you.  
What a waste of a lovely afternoon, you think.

The van pulls into the driveway and you hop out and get all the groceries inside in one trip out of stubborn determination and the pain of milk jugs in plastic bags dangling on your wrists.  
You plop it all down on the counter and you go to head out of the kitchen so fast, you almost miss Jade and Karkat with two bags each filled with what sounds like….glass and plastic?  
You turn around immediately, being the nosy bitch that you are, and begin to inspect. 

Karkat puts a finger to his lips for your silence to be made and Jade laughs under breath and you see the bags are filled with soda and enough alcohol for everyone to probably have their own bottle, jesus christ, they have a lot. 

Most of you don’t like drinking too much, not because it's illegal because you really could care less, but mainly because it smells like shit. 

You, however, find mixology incredibly interesting, so you drink a little anyway, and you suppose that’s just how it is sometimes.  
You high five Jade, because you're a 16 year old boy and it’s just natural instinct, and walk out of the kitchen to the living room where most of everyone is crowding the couch watching Friends on Mr. Egbert's Netflix account, and you find the radio and slip in a CD because it’s time for y'all to be teenagers and you are pumped. 

You notice Maryams and Captors are missing and it’s natural assumption that they are most definitely playing Mario cart in John's bedroom. The shriek of one Sollux Captor from upstairs dictates you being correct and you turn up the radio a little louder and make your way to the lights panel by the TV and flip a switch for what John calls ‘the party lights', aka, neon lights shrouding the living room in shades of purple and yellow.  
The others have slowly peeled themselves from the couch and while Rose started bringing out bowls of Doritos and other flavorful chips and snacks, Nepeta turned off Friends in favor of plugging in the Karaoke machine Jade bought at the store and set up the microphones. 

She tested one out by tapping it and making it fill the house with her high pitched voice screaming, “WHO'S GOING TO BE THE FIRST UP FOR KARAOKE?” 

Since she loved to party, Jade decided to get the ball rolling and stepped up to plate with Africa by Toto, which she rocked completely and dabbed at the end before jumping off the couch onto Rose while screaming, causing her to spill her Pepsi.  
No one steps up next so Kanaya pulls a bowl seemingly from no where filled with tiny slips of paper and not until she pulls one out and screams Vriska's name do you realize that it’s a classroom tactic of embarrassment unless submission of actually going up there by your own choice. 

Vriska, shockingly, isn't really upset by her random selection and rocks out Oh No! better than you expected. 

It goes along like this for hours, with you popping in and out of the kitchen with assorted drinks that you've made taste actually okay while watching more of your friends head up to the leather couch and bang out different songs of their choice. 

Occasionally Kanaya will pull out two names or more at a time for better results, and at one point she and Rose absolutely rocked the house with Clint Eastwood, to no surprise. 

You take your lame movie like red solo cup filled with a mix of drink that you don’t even know anymore and crash on the couch to watch more of the show they’re putting on. 

Porrim and Latula finish up Cherry Bomb and while you're clapping gently you hear Kanaya announce Karkat's turn, and clapping turns into laughing and whistles. 

However, Karkat, who you've supplied with several drinks tonight, strides to the makeshift stage in pride and grabs the microphone from Latula with confidence and leans over the machine and selects a song so fast you can't even get a flash of what it is.

He begins to tap his foot to the beat and you almost burst out laughing when you recognize the song, despite last hearing it three years ago, give or take you suppose.

He sings out the first line with confidence and you're dumbstruck when you hear how much his singing has changed since the last time you heard him sing it, and he no longer sounds like the short scrawny guy with a closet of hot topic that he used to be, but rather like someone very much in his element and excited to show it. 

“You were a problem chillldddd, been grounded your whole life so now you runnin willlldddd, playin with them good girls, no, that ain’t your stylleeeee, you think you're hot shit and I love it, I love it, yeah yeah…” he belts out softly but so loud and perfect you're stunned how his voice is no longer squeaky and weak and just not this, it never was this. 

“Stumblin but yeah, you're still looking hella finneee! Keep doin what you're doin, and Imma make you mineeeee!” he dances a little along with the song and you can see everyone else is a little struck dumb on how he's changed, the only people that have seen him in two years, at least you assume, have been his sisters and brother, so this really was a development. 

“Well you’re a! Hot! Mess! And I’m FALLING for youuuu, and I’m like, hot DAMN, let me make you my boo, cause you can shake it, shake it, shake it, yeah you know what to do, you’re a! Hot! Mess! I’m lovin it, hell yessss,” he drawls on the chorus and you can't look away now, and your glasses have slipped to the tip of your nose but you don’t care, you're what you can only place as simply hypnotized by him, somehow.

Everyone else has pretty much been stripped of their shell shock and have started to dance a little along and you’re still sitting where you are in your spot which, you have now noticed, is incredibly close to the stage couch where he's standing and you're as dumb as ever, especially when he leans forward and grabs your shades gently and puts them on and pushes them up into his hair, only increasing your shock at his new found confidence, and you're positive you must’ve spilled your drink at this point. 

You sit there, eyes wide, for the rest of the song and he invisible guitar strums the last note and you find yourself clapping along with everyone else and he takes a little joking bow and hops off the couch and hands the microphone to the next person.  
A new song starts up and things continue as normal.  
Karkat, your sunglasses still on his head, plops down next to you and laughs a little and punches your arm lightly when you just stare. 

“Here's these back, sorry!” he apologizes, handing you your shades. “They were revenge for you stealing my sweater, which I would love back right now if we're being honest.”

You slip your glasses back on your face and begin to sputter.

“Uh, uhmm, I’m not wear-wearing a shhirt under it, just the uh un binder ya know, so gimme a sec,” you spit out like a goddamn fool and rush upstairs to the farthest bathroom you can after snagging a shirt from John's closet and locking the door behind you. 

You stand in front of the wide mirror, looking at yourself and finally catching a breath.

What the fuck was that? That's Karkat, Karkat Vantas(-Leijon), who you’ve known since the fifth grade, out there, one of your best friends, who you know miles of dumb shit about and you became a fluttered a mess in front of him? What the fuck? 

Seriously, you think to yourself, what in the entire world could have made you do that? 

You guess it's because of him taking your glasses. That really caught you off guard and you suppose you deserved it. 

After that quick pep talk with yourself, you slip off the sweater, off your binder cause it's been too long and Rose would have your head on a silver plate, and slip on one of John's baggy shirts from band last year, and head down to Karkat, swinging the sweater over your shoulder. 

You find Karkat talking with Kanaya and you slip in and dump it on his head, which makes her laugh and little, much to his dismay. 

“You could've just handed it back to me asshole. I handed your shades back as gently as could be and you throw my sweater on me like an escape tactic to block my eyesight and bolt,” he grumbles.

“Yeah, yeah, perish and all that, I'm too tired for metaphors,” you yawn. 

“Well before you retire in some hole, come do some karaoke with me, you've been in the kitchen all night and since you're tired I can assist with the song, lemon squeezy and all that shit,” he proposes. 

You must be exhausted off your shit right now, because you agree and grab a mic from Sollux and bounce onto the rough couch. 

“What song do you guys want?” Sollux asks from over at the machine.

“Surprise us,” you blurt.

You immediately know that was the wrong decision because Sollux laughs before selecting one and heading back to his spot.

I Don't Dance from High School Musical Two. 

Damn it. 

You take the role of Chad and with the opening lines you've got this. 

Karkat, forced to be Ryan, dances a little with his lines, as expected, and it’s a little slower and little less aggressive and there's something you're still liking about it. 

At one point roughly halfway, he grabs your hands, still singing, and begins to dance with you a little gently. 

You're shocked at the sudden positive and gentle physical contact, but it doesn’t last long and you continue to laugh and sing your lines, twirling around and chuckling out the words and spinning your dance partner and the only time when you're not smiling wider than you have in a while is when Karkat winks at “I'll show you how I swinnggg!” and you briefly blush before getting back into the swing of things, so to say.

When it’s over, you grab his hand and you two take a fun little bow together and toss the microphones to Kanaya's next victims.

Karkat gives you a fist bump when you two head back to the kitchen and laughs a little.

“You make a good dance partner, you've improved a good bit since 8th grade, huh?” he chuckles.

“Well I'M not the only with improvements. You can sing bitch! Where'd that come from?”

“I read up a few things on controlling your singing and puberty was also a factor I suppose.”

You assume he must be drunk off his ass or something, you did give him a lot of cups. 

It starts getting quieter as it gets later and you and Karkat spend until one am catching up in the kitchen when at one thirteen in the morning he asks you if you want to go check out the room with him and maybe watch Romeo + Juliet on his phone, you also must be drunk off your ass or something, because you agree without hesitation. 

He grabs a few blankets and pillows for warmth and some text books and heads up to the, thankfully, flat roof with you following close behind. 

He puts his phone's kickstand up on the pile of books and turns on the movie and sits up next to you on the pile of pillows and under the biggest blankets you two could find.

At first, you sit a little far from Karkat, out of habit of no physical contact with anyone, but when you exclaims, “Look!” and points to a shooting star from across the sky and tells you to make a wish you scoot a bit closer, for warmth, you swear to yourself.

Since the Crockerbert house is a little ways away from most places, it's easier to see the stars and honestly? Goddamn it, aren’t they beautiful?

You nudge him and point to the sky. 

“What a waste of a lovely night huh?”

“Yeah, shame Rose and Kanaya fell asleep before they could enjoy this. “

You suddenly remember the song and slip your phone quietly out of your pocket and press play on YouTube and turn the screen off, letting it play while you two can still see the stars. 

Thank god for YouTube Red.

You begin gently.

“The sun is nearly gone, the lights are turning onnn, a silver shine that stretches to the sea….”

He realizes the song and stands up.

You continue.

“We've stumbled on a view that's tailor-made for two, what a shame, those two are you and me.”

He hums along and for a second you're glad you chose the Thomas Sanders and Ben J Pierce cover, it really does fit and sound better. 

“Some other girl and guy, would love the swirling sky, but there's only you and I, and we've got no shot.”

You act it out a little and start to walk around.

“This could never be, you're not the type for me.”

He laughs, “Really?”

“And there's not a spark in sight, what a waste of a lovely night,” you finish your first lines softly. 

He clears his throat and continues his part. 

“You say there's nothing here? Well, let’s making something clear, I think I'll be the one to make that call…”

“So you'll call?”

“And though you looked so cute in your polyester suit,”

“It's wool.”

“You're right, I'd never fall for you at all!” 

You chuckle lowly before he continues.

“And may be this appealllllssss to someone not in heels, or to any girl who feels there's some chance, at romance…”

He turns to you for this line. 

“But frankly I'm feeling nothing…”

“Is that so?” you say under your breath. 

“Or it could be less than nothing,” he sings a little louder.

“Good to know! So you agree?” you get closer. 

“That's right,” he's right in front of you now.

“What a…waste of a lovely nighttttt….” You both sing together, beginning to dance and hum. 

After a minute or so of feeling on top of the world and even more instilled in your mind that he must have something in his system for this, no one in their right mind would dance with you on the roof at two in the morning, you two end up panting lightly and standing in front of each other, hands still in position. 

“But I'm afraid I'm feeling nothinnnngggg….” He says softly.

“Is that so?” you laugh gently.

“Or it could be less than nothing…”

“Good to know…so you agree?”

“That’s right.”

“What a waste of a lovely nightttttt,” you sing together while laying back down to finish your movie and get warm under the blankets, and you finally give in and lay on his shoulder.

You missed this friendship, you really really did.

Two years was too long missing your best friend.

But not until the credits roll and Karkat is softly snoring do you remember that you had given him nothing but mixed soda drinks and a small virgin piña colada. There was not a drop of alcohol in his system.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey thank you for reading so far!! If I made any spelling errors, please tell me in the comments thank you!!


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